Loving You
by frostlight
Summary: Sequel to Falling Snowflakes. Even for that fleeting moment where all time stopped, for that one moment, that one moment where I can protect you till I die, I will. K X L pairing.


I do not own Gundam Seed.

Story Summary: This is a sequel to Falling Snowflakes, where in that fiction I focused about Athrun Zala, Cagalli Yula Athha and Kira Yamato. I would personally advise you to read Falling Snowflakes before reading this piece as it is quite interrelated, if you'd prefer otherwise, well..its up to you. Finally, this fiction is the relationship between Lacus Clyne and Kira Yamato. Please enjoy.

**Loving You**

by: frost2light

The day Lacus Clyne met Kira Yamato, it was on her fifteenth birthday. Her father, the leader of the second largest organization beside the Yamato family in the "Black" zone, held a party in her favour. Kira Yamato had been there at the party, dressed in a tuxedo, looking shy and insecure, his violet eyes staring warily out from a shock of brown fringe that scattered about his forehead. Lacus had smiled before walking towards him, matured beyond her years through the things that she had witnessed, she was the calm bay through the torrential storms that Kira had to go through. Pulled between loyalty between his family and the relationship with his friend Athrun Zala, she saw it all, and the both of them had strike up a friendship that grew stronger over the years.

Lacus Clyne Sixteen Years Old

"Congratulations on yet another successful event, Lacus." Kira smiled as he handed over a bunch of flowers that was beautifully wrapped with red ribbons trailing underneath it.

"Thank you." I said, wiping the sweat with the small terry towel one of the backstage helpers passed to me when I had left the stage to come back to my private room. Mirrors reflected both of our images, and the small space was littered and cluttered with thousand of toys and flowers of different kinds. Fragrance of different types combined and formed a strong stench that was not pleasant to the nose. Kira's lips quirked up into a cheeky smile as he watched my nose wrinkle in distaste. I gave him a warning glare and he held up his hands in a placating gesture, but his violet eyes still danced.

Smiling, I watched his lively expression. He was still a kid, much too vulnerable to his father's manipulation and a pang tore through my heart. His face was pale, the sallow kind that did not know sunlight and there were dark circles under his eyes. He had barely made it through high school and his father has already sank his claws into the prey, my smile continued on my face, but my eyes mirrored what I did not want him to see. Turning away, I busied myself with whatever I could find.

"Lacus?" His concerned and puzzled voice rang out from behind. It was absurd for him not to know what I was thinking, but he was that innocent. Sighing inwardly, I forced back the brilliant smile I usually reserve for the cameras to face him and to continue the act that everything was all right.

"You are free today." A statement, not a question.

"Ahh…" He replied, this time him looking away, not wanting to meet my eyes. It seems that today had been exceptionally tiring day. His violet eyes still held the pain that was the aftereffect. I longed to put my hands around him, to provide him with the comfort that was denied him. I had no idea when our friendship had evolved to something more, I knew for a fact that it was not what he wanted, so I kept my feelings and thoughts to myself. He had too much to worry about than some love struck songstress.

"Athrun asked me to join him in the academy."

Taken aback, I had not expected that. Athrun Zala was his childhood friend, a friendship that did not care about the "black" nor the "white". It had stayed intact through all those years when both of them had been young, yet, now, when sixteen was the age to choose, those categories would no longer apply for neutral. The present society was harsh, and Lacus knew that people did not accept what was different from them. The academy was purely for the "whites". They were the protectors of the society from the "blacks". And if Athrun joined….

"I told him that we would end up as enemies.." Kira's voice was nonchalant, but his fists were clenched. "He did not believe me…he told me I could choose."

I did not know how to reply, both of us stood standing in front of the mirrors that told no lies, our wooden expressions, our blank eyes, our clenched fists. Everything was shown without mercy, there was no second chances, nor masks in front of us. I wanted to say that he could choose. He had the power to do so, but I would be a hypocrite, I knew without a doubt that there was no way out. Not for him, not for me. I was a singer because of the influence I could have over the fans, it was a well planned move from the public relations of my family, it was all measured and well thought of. It was just a business move. Everything to our families was just for business.

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Lacus Clyne POV eighteen years old.

"Hello. My name is Cagalli Yula Athha."

I turned around to face a blonde girl with confident amber eyes who held out her hand for a handshake. I obliged and was rewarded with a firm grasp. We were once again at a party, it was a homecoming party for the long gone mistress of the Yamato house. I snuck a glance at Kira whose expression was blank, he was worried even though he kept it well hidden. However, I have known him for too long and I can easily see through his mask, experience giving me that benefit. He was definitely worried and it showed in his tense posture, the way his eyes kept looking back and forth from his sister to his father.

And I understood the source of his worry, this confident, naïve girl who knew nothing about the "black" zone. "Pleased to meet you Cagalli – san…my name is Lacus Clyne, from the Clyne family."

"Ahh…are you my brother's girlfriend?" She asked all of the sudden, her eyes mischievously checking the reaction of mine and Kira's. Kira's violet eyes widened and he blushed, his pale cheeks blossoming into a colour of slight pink. I smiled at his reaction before shaking my head. I was no longer that vulnerable in questions of the sudden or private nature. Being in the media light for two years had been good training.

"Are you sure? Both of you look very good together." Cagalli commented wryly, as she continued to tease her younger brother who deepened more into a colour of red. Nudging him, she pushed Kira up to my face and winked at me before departing, mingling with the crowd, making herself known. She was born an audience seeker and everywhere she went, people would notice, leaving her younger brother with less attention, which he did not seem to mind at all.

"She would be good for you." I commented, slightly teasing as Kira frowned at me. His violet eyes followed his sister as she flitted from one group to another before stopping to chat with her father. Both of them laughed at the same time at some private joke, but his father's hawk like eyes continued to look at Kira, challenging him to do something that Yamato senior knew his son would never do.

"She would be in trouble. My father is planning something but I do not know what." Kira's voice was strained as he struggled to keep his turbulent emotions under check, under his blank mask that was so fragile.

"Come. Let's go out for fresh air." I said before pulling him gently away from the crowds that he despised so much. I did not know what I seemed at that time, an elder sister? A concerned lover? The line between the two personalities was so thin that even I could not differentiate and I hated to be the former. Yet…if that was the only way to be with this man, this boy who had yet to grow….

"Where are we going? I have to be…"

"Shh…you will know when we reach there."

"Lacus…"

"Trust me."

Pulling a tense Kira through the large gardens and out the front gate towards the compound behind his house, a place where the trees grew strong and healthy, creating a dense forest that was dangerous for those who attempt to go there unaided. There was a secret place where the both of us would go when one of us was fed up with living, to recharge and generate. It was a calm place where all our unhappiness was shoved away and forgotten for the time being.

"Lacus…I really do need to go back."

Stopping in the midst of our journey, I turned to face the brown haired boy, my icy blue eyes calm but inwardly I was nothing but that. "Kira, please trust me. This is for your own good and hers."

"But…"I silenced his protests with a single finger on his lips and continued to walk forward, not caring that my evening gown was stained by the grass or mud, or that the twigs pulled at the delicate cloth. This was about him and I was going to follow my advice to follow my own heart, just for today. With new determination, I pushed away the last bush standing in my way, even with the loud rip that tore away quite a big chunk of my hem. I walked forward and came face to face with our shelter. In fact, it was no more than a tree, and there was nothing special about it. It was just a tree.

However, to us it was special. It's widespread branches with those magnificent green leaves provided a shelter. A huge embrace that protected us when we were feeling alone, this tree had been here for years, its foundation strong and stable. It was a far cry from our messy households where people did not care much about each other. The "black" zone was not a place for children. We came here when the day to day life was too overbearing, when Kira was too tired to move after his training, when I was exhausted after those never ending concerts and albums just to keep myself in the limelight.

This clearing in the middle of a forest was somewhere we just happened to come to. Was it just a year ago when everything started spiraling out of control? Both of us had tried to run away during a party, but, as predicted, we turned back in the end. Yet, nothing was for waste because we found this place, a place where we were accepted for who we were, nothing more nothing less. It was just us and no one else when we were here.

Pale moonlight passed through the small spaces between the leaves and gave us light, casting an eerie, haunting yet peaceful atmosphere. I let go Kira's hand and he walked towards the tree trunk with halting steps, as if afraid. My vision misted up, he was so afraid for his sanity that he was not willing to accept help when it was needed. He was dying. He was not going to survive this war between himself and his family. There was no way he could.

"Kira…"

"I'm afraid, Lacus."

"I know."

"Cagalli is not suited for this."

"I know."

"She cannot stay here….Athrun likes her and I know that he plans to be with her. I can leave her to him, but I have to settle father first."

"I understand."

"When will any of this end?"

It was not a question that I could answer and without thinking, I used my own actions to comfort him. We were not brought up to touch, to hug. To us, these useless gestures were just a waste of time, but it was needed now and if it would make him feel better, this was what I would do.

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Lacus Clyne POV Nineteen Years old

I unbuttoned the shirt, my fingers trembling. There was so much blood, dying the shirt a dark red, layer upon layer of dark metallic liquid, blossoming across the pale material at an alarming speed.

"Lacus…"

"Shh…don't talk." I forced myself to say the words calmly, commanding my brain not to panic. I pushed back the soaked cloth and examined the wound, it was deep, the person who had slammed the knife into his body clearly wanted him dead. Kira's father had known the danger, the consequences of today's job, yet, he still sent his young son. He evidently did not care, not at all.

"You should go see a doctor." I choked out, harsh in the night. I had not meant it to sound the way it did, but my anger that was sparked refused to be put out, my blue eyes boring holes into the boy lying in front of me. I took in his face and hands that were all smeared with the blood, his or his opponents I did not know, nor wanted to comprehend. It should not belong there. It did not belong there.

"He did not want to die." Kira's soft voice floated into my ears, his violet eyes were watching my expression as he spoke. His face had an anguish I did not know how to cure and it tore at me that I could not provide more of what he needed, the earlier anger dying into frustration and bitterness. I was helpless in the face of these situations. He hated himself and he wanted to die. Maybe this wound was there because of the guilt he felt. Maybe Kira thought that if he allowed the man to stab him, it would be all right to kill him…maybe…one knife for one.

"Why…?" Resignedly, I asked looking away.

"I don't know." Kira answered frankly as he pulled my face back gently in order to make me look at him, the blood on his hands smearing my face. He understood the question behind the question, a small smile playing about his lips. But that smile was sad, was empty. The blood on my skin felt sticky and dirty. Why was he tainting me with the blood? Why did he get himself hurt? Why did he come here instead of the hospital? Why not home to get his wound cleared and sewn back?

_Tell me the reason, why are you doing this. Why do you keep breaking my heart and make me cry tears that I cannot show?_

"I'm sorry." He apologized both for his actions and specifically for the blood stain on my cheek, before he slowly drifted away to sleep. His eyes closing as the tiredness, blood loss and fatigue washed over him. "I'm sorry Lacus….do not be mad….I'll be all right…"

I watched his breathing slowed and evened out, I watched as his chest rose and fell. I watched the clock ticked by as the sleeping form continued his rest in oblivion. I watched all these and yet I wanted to scream in anger. I hated the world for placing this young man in pain, I hated his sister who had to come back and force Kira to do something he did not want even unintentionally. I did not know where to direct my anger and so I kept it hidden behind that calm mask of mine. I did not know what to do so I sat there to watch over the man I could not have.

"Tell me your dreams Kira Yamato…tell me what to do in order to set you free." I whispered into the brown haired boy's ears as he laid there sleeping, his handsome face still bearing the signs of fatigue and worry and that slight traces of pain. With brows furrowed slightly, I could see that even in his sleep he was not peaceful.

Lifting my hand, I allowed myself to touch his face, enjoying the smooth skin under my fingers as I caressed his face gently. I worked my way up from his cheek, keeping my touch light before smoothing away the hair that flopped over one side of his eyes, his breathing hitched once but he continued sleeping. My hand paused in my guilty pleasure, icy blue eyes holding the tenderness that only a lover could show for the other half. Lyrics of my current song filled my mind as the night slowly passed by.

_If only we had the time_

_If only I could make you mine_

_If only you would stay once in a while_

_You and I are lovers of the night_

_A black rose quietly sits in a garden filled with red_

_You rode on a white horse holding its head up high_

_I had my eyes on you without knowing the reason why_

_I had my heart set on you and hoping I could set you free_

_If you could stay that little while_

_If you only allowed me to watch you smile_

_I could show you that love is beautiful and wild_

_Even for that fleeting moment where all time stopped_

_And.. For that one moment, that one moment…_

… _where I can protect you till I die_

Lacus Clyne Twenty Years Old

"Lacus…"

"Yes Kira?"

"I have something important to do…"

My breath hitched in my throat and all of a sudden I knew then that this would be the last time I would ever see him. Both of us standing under that tree which had protected us in the past, saying our final goodbye. I forced a smile onto my face, my heart bleeding and breaking. Numbness did not come, I thought that having a broken heart meant that I felt no more…so why, why the pain that paralyzed, that tortured? Why that small hope that refused to go out?

_The reason why you came here to tell me goodbye, tell me. Tell me that I will still see you again. Tell me please…._

"I understand."

"Lacus…you have been a good friend…"

_I do not want to be your friend._

"This is unfair of me…"

_I don't care about unfairness, please be selfish for this one time._

"I wished that I could be the one to be with you till the end…I…I ….I'm sorry."

_You wanted to tell me you loved me didn't you?_

Smiling, I pushed back the hair that flopped down over his heads and cupped his face gently. I bent in closer and pressed my lips to imprint them on his, his eyes widened in shock at the audacity of my act, but I could not care. If he would not be selfish, then I will be selfish for him. For me or for him, let me love the one man who loved others more than himself.

"Come back." I whispered when our lips parted ways. "Come back to me, I'll be waiting here under this tree."

"Lacus…you know I can't promise…"

"I know that you will, I do not need your promises. I need nothing but you."

Kira nodded, albeit reluctantly, but the dead eyes from just now was rekindled with a flame. He had somebody to come back to, he was not alone. Lacus slipped her fingers between his and entwined them together, allowing the warmth to speak for itself. Kira's fingers tightened around her own and the both of them allowed themselves to be true to themselves just for this one instant in time. Lacus turned towards her friend, her lover, and smiled. A sweet smile filled with love, and Kira smiled back.

Letting go to unfix the chain around his neck, the silver chain that looped through a hole in the ring he always carried with him, Kira paused, his face aflame as he cleared his throat. Once, twice, his nervousness making him sound like a mouse. Lacus merely waited, her blue eyes patient. Kira was learning and if he was learning, then this meant there was still hope for the both of them. It was not too late. The breaking heart was mending, little piece by little piece, joined together by the warmth the violet eyes produced.

Finally, Kira found the words to convey what he wanted, the ring he always had with him as a gift, he said determinedly, "This is not much…but…Lacus…will you be mine?"

I stared at the ring, a simple golden band with only a flower etched at the side, in mute silence. I had not expected this, it was too much but I would gladly be his. I looked into his eyes and without a doubt nodded once. It was simple, it was elegant, it was mine. Time passed without waiting for anyone and soon it was time for him to go. We embraced once amid the falling leaves in autumn, looking at each other with nothing but sincerity.

Without speaking anymore, Kira turned away and walked towards a destination I could not follow. My legs unbidden, moved on its own accord a few steps in front, just to look at the parting figure who did not turn back once. My eyes greedily taking in his profile, etching it solidly in my memory, swallowing down the urge to call Kira back, pushed back the need to run after him, trusting in my own confidence that was so fragile. The earlier feeling of doom never once leaving, but I forcefully pushed it away. I did not want to think, I just wanted to live in the present where my lover was going away.

The tears that I kept hidden came pouring down. There was no one here to see, no one here to laugh. Here under this tree, I could be the sobbing girl who could not follow her lover to his future. Here beneath this sturdy tree, I could cry while the waving leaves hid me. I did not know how long I stayed there but by the time I wiped away the tears that came silently, it was already night.

Picking myself up from the ground, I stared at the night sky filled with blinking stars. My pink hair fluttering slightly in the small night breeze, I continued to look upwards as if in a prayer, my right hand reaching out towards the dark night sky, fingers outstretched, trying to catch something that only my eyes could see. The night sky continued to blink and wink at me but I could not catch their glow, their brightness, like the way I could not even hold on to my happiness.

_Please be safe. Please be all right._

My prayer sent out to the night, I walked away from our private personal space and back into our reality. I was alone once again.

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Lacus Clyne Twenty - One years old

Kira never did come back and my life went on as usual. There was nothing I could do, even as I received the news of his death, even as I faced his grieving sister in the hospital and his best friend Athrun Zala, I could not do anything. There was nothing to say to those who hurt as much as I did. Athrun Zala was drowning in his own guilt, while Cagalli wished that she had died instead. I wanted to shout at those two ignorant people that Kira was not one to regret, he did what he wanted. I wanted to tell them that, but I could not be bring myself to speak. I was afraid of my voice breaking, of my voice betraying my mask, of me blurting out the same truth as theirs.

_Everything was covered by the snow, the feelings that I thought was so familiar was lost with the time and our footprints that had been so evident those past years vanished, our laughter disappearing with the wind._

And so I had excused myself and allowed themselves to retreat back into their own private world, taking a chance to walk in the woods that had once been so familiar. It had been snowing since Kira's death, and I had yet to come back to this place, there was too much memories, too many things that tore at the not yet closed wound in my heart. Could one heal after such a blow? Could all of us find a way through the darkness that consumed us after his death? The wind was soft, the light was shining down as the birds flew about and chirped, everything was still going on without pause, everything was so unfair. Why did the world still turn when you did not want it to?

_Why did you take away the only one thing that I had?_

_Why did you have to take away the only one person that I loved?_

My anger at the unfairness of it all could not be quelled and I started running. I forced my legs to move, forced myself to get up every time I fell, every time I tripped. I did not know how many branches scrapped at my knees, how many scratched my face. All I knew was that I had to move, that I had to run. Running away from another place to another time where Kira was still alive and with me, running….

…towards the only shelter that held only good memories of us.

Falling down in front of the sturdy tree that had been an integral part of our lives, I sobbed. I allowed the tears that nobody saw to be shed here, just like the last time I watched Kira walk away from me. I looked at my hands in grief, at the taunting ring that Kira had given me, I had been tempted to throw it away, but I could not bring myself to do it in the end. It was something Kira had treasured and had passed on to me in a promise. I was his but he had never been mine. I closed my eyes rested my head upon the rough tree bark, my right hand pummelling the rough surface until I was finally exhausted with the venting. I wanted to curse Kira to not be able to rest in peace, I wanted to die with him at this moment, to join him wherever that he had gone. But, it was impossible.

I slept peacefully that day, waking up only as the sun started to set. It was winter yet I did not feel the cold that the low temperature brought. All I could think about was the dream that I had. Kira had been smiling at me, telling me that he was all right, that he had finally found the freedom that had set him free.

_I'm sorry that I left you alone, I'm sorry that I cannot be there with you during your life, but I will always be here watching over you. I will still be the man you love when I meet you in the future. It seems such a long time doesn't it? But, I will be waiting, I will not let go of us._

"You finally learnt to be selfish?" I asked the empty air in front of me. Only when he was dead and gone was he selfish. "You will be waiting? You will not let go of us?" My fingers clenched into fists, his parting words seemed sarcastic, his smile arrogant. I hated him. I hated him for leaving me. I hated him because he could see me when I could not see him. I hated….

….myself because I needed him. I hated myself because I was already forgetting his smile, his words, his gestures. I was already losing our time together. I looked up at the tree which had always been there for us when we were lost for guidance, looking at its steady tree branches that spread out wide. This tree represented us, our time, our existence…maybe…maybe…if only…. I got onto my knees and closed my eyes to pray…

_Please protect these feelings that I had, that I have. Please protect these memories of us. There is nothing else that is left, savouring these memories are the only way that we live on, frozen in eternity in this place, under you. Your leaves may fall now, but you will be reborn, let our love live on as long as you do. I loved him, but he had to go. I loved him, but he had to protect those he loved. I loved him…so please…this is the only thing that I ask of you…protect this memories of mine, let me remember what it was to be that woman who had a man to love. Thank you.  
_

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_ Author's notes: Tell me what you think. It's been quite awhile since I attempted to write about Lacus Clyne and Kira Yamato. I always feel that I have not depth to write about Lacus. I hope that I have not failed though in this attempt and that you guys liked this story. Thank you._


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